Free at last!!!!!!!

March 25th, 2011 - another very important date for the memory banks...the day a weight was lifted off my shoulders!!  I AM IN REMISSION!!!!  Yes - you read that right!!!  Finally - after a very long year and a half, the doctors have safely announced that I am in REMISSION!!!

When I was walking out of the room at the doctor's today my chemo nurse, Renee (small world) - gave a big hug and congratulated me...I started to cry - not because I am sad, but because I am just so happy.  I have never been the happy crying type - but apparently today I became the type.  Dr. Gareis said "She's crying..." and Renee told her that it was just tears of joy.

I had already had plans to meet with the "Ladies who Lunch" for a tea party for the little girls today.  When I announced the news - my cousin, Nicole ran to her garage and came back with a cake that had the word "Survivor" written on it!  Craziness!!  It is amazing to me that I have this many wonderful people in my life.  I want to thank all of you for all of your kind words, love, and support!!  Even when there were days where I just was out of sorts - I could always count on one of you to say or do something that in your eyes was nothing but in mine was tremendous!!! 

The nurses at the doctors are setting up for me to have my Medi-Port removed.  Next week I will get the call on when that will happen.  And that will officially end this crazy chapter of my life.  And let me tell you - I am very ready to go on to the next chapter!!!  As I am sure D is as well.  I can only imagine the stress that this has had on him as well.  I could not have asked for a more awesome husband though - he has truly been my rock through everything!!


There are many more thank yous to be handed out - just not today...I need to go put on my "Survivor" shirt, drink my 12 year old Jameson that I got in Ireland just for this occasion, and celebrate!!!!

Surgeon Appointment

Just a quick update...

I was able to get in to see the surgeon today (thank you to whomever canceled their appointment that made this possible).  I will be going Monday, March 14th to have my left thyroid removed.  I have never been more excited for a surgery...as I am really hoping that this will end this chapter in the cancer battle.  This weekend I will be shopping for jello and broth.

3/3/11 PET Scan

Well - the PET Scan results are in...the 12 year old Jameson I had planned on drinking when I heard the "R" word will have to age a little more. 

Unfortunately - the "hot spot" on my left thyroid that has been lighting up and they have been monitoring decided to change a little.  There is an increased activity level since the last scan.  Apparently so much so that my hem-onc would like me to call on Monday to see the surgeon.  She would not venture anything past me seeing the surgeon; which means I don't know anything else past that.  I don't know if the surgery will remove everything or if I will need any type of treatment after surgery.  Right now everything is a blur.  

Sorry to leave everyone with that news.  I will post more once I know.  Thank you so much to everyone who has been praying, thinking good thoughts, etc...I have never felt like I was worthy enough to have the love and support I do have - it has been amazing.

The plan for the weekend is to do some house renovations and keep my mind off of it. 

Hem Onc Visit - 1/14/11

As many of you know I met with my hem-onc doctor today. As with all of my appointments with her I hold out high hopes that maybe just maybe this will be the appointment that I hear the words “you are cancer free”. Today was not that day…

The great news first…all of my blood counts are up!!! And for the first time none of them are in the red. I think This is wonderful – this is the day she is going to tell me that I and cancer free. So I say to her “All I want is to hear that “r” word.” She looks as me as though I just told a puppy to sit. I explain to her that I want that “remission”. I say “everyone else I know has gotten it why can’t I” – as though I am a pre-teen girl asking for the latest designer jeans. Here is how that conversation went…

Dr: Well, Renee “technically you can be considered in remission because you are not actively getting treatment.

Me: So I am cancer free??? (Glimmers of hope) What about the hot spots on the last Pet Scan??

Dr: Well…no you are not quite cancer free. The next Pet Scan will helps us with that.

Me: Oh – I see, and when can I have that done.

Dr: Well (she says well A LOT), you just had the one in November so it will have to be March.

Me: (Not said out loud, but thinking) MARCH – REALLY – MARCH!!!!! Are you freakin’ kidding me!!!! I hate this limbo shit!!!

Dr: (Obvious that even though I didn’t say anything – my body language did) Renee – you really need to stop living in fear of the cancer and just live normally.

Me: I am…I keep very active I am trying new things like skiing… but I trail off and stop talking then say thank you for the appointment.

So…live normally huh?!?! I thought that was what I have been doing for the last year

That I have been dealing with all of this. I am trying to live normal…I go to gym or workout at home, I have started taking classes, I am learning new things, and on the job hunt. However, sometimes it is hard to feel “normal” when I go to gym and do what is an average workout and hear “are you alright, you look absolutely exhausted” or every day when I take my clothes off there is this large port sticking out of my chest. These stupid little reminders drive me crazy.

To sum it up – I could technically be in remission, but I am not cancer free and I will not know until March…March 3rd to be exact – that is the Pet Scan. Yes – I know I could have just said this sentence at the beginning, but what fun would that be.

Oh and since I have you all tuned in…please hit me up if you want a friend to pal around with or are going to do some really cool outdoor activity. I haven’t had a lot of friend interaction lately – I think it is starting to show…I have been a little grumpy to poor D and he doesn’t deserve that!

Love you all!