So it's all real...

"So it's all real, isn't it?"  That is just how I feel today.  Today I met with the Hem-Onc to set up my chemo schedule.  Can you say information overload???  As of now the plan is to have 3 rounds of chemo and then radiation.  I will be meeting a radiation doctor to make sure I can do the radiation.  The type of chemo I will be going through is R-CHOP.  Which stands for (R) Rituxan - (C) Cytoxan (H) Adriamycin (O) Vincristine (P) Prednisone.  When I heard the "P" I almost called the whole thing off...LOL!!!  I hate prednisone more than any other medicine.  I have been on it so many times for my asthma.  It is a nasty drug!!!  Very helpful, but so full of side effects.  Unofortunately, my worst side effect is weight gain.  I know this seems vain , but I gained a lot of weight from this drug over the years and finally, finally have taken most of it off.  But as with losing me hair...if it has to be done to save my life, well then, so be it.

We sat with my chemo nurse for 45 minutes going over what to expect.  It is crazy, the amount of information there is!!!  I will be having a port placed on Monday so the chemo drugs can be administered.  The doctor, nurse and I decided the port would be the best solution because my veins are crap.  When I had my hip surgery I blew through three IV's in one day!!  And I have had more IV's infiltrate than I can count.  When I told the doctor about this she said that I most definitely getting a port.  If a chemo IV would infiltrate it would burn and scar my skin because of how powerful the medications are.  So Monday at 8:45 I go into the hospital as an outpatient to have the port inserted on my right side near the clavicle.

My chemo nurse gave me a folder with all of the information about my treatment in it.  I swear the thing weighs like 10 lbs!!!  Ok, ok, I am probably exaggerating here, but seriously - it's thick!!!  The list of meds I will be on is crazy. 

I start chemo on January 14th at 1:20pm.  This will be the first half of the chemo (the CHOP part).  Then on Friday, January 15th I will go back in at 7:40am to get the Rituxan.  The Rituxan is the one that has all of the crazy side affects and can have reactions with the body when given for the first time.  This will be a very slow drip - and they will monitor me very closely to see how my body reacts.

Next week will be a very hectic week!!!  And I will be happy when it is over.  I go this weekend to get my hair cut.  I am getting it shorter than what it is now, but I am not getting cut short.  I know this sounds stupid, but I have never had a really high self esteem, but the one thing I have always liked is my hair...so it is hard to know it will be gone by February.  Again...if that is what it takes to save my life...well then, so be it!

Today as I write this I feel overwhelmed, tired and sad.  I am still strong, but even the strongest people have weak days, right???  I am off to bed and hope tomorrow is a good mood day, because I can't stand to be sad!!!!

A quick update...

I heard from the doctor’s last night around 5:15pm regarding the results of my PET scan…


My NHL is Stage 1E or Stage II. I will try to explain the best I can. The NHL has not spread throughout by body (which is awesome); however, it has spread in my neck area. They found active cancer cells in the back of my throat area and tongue. Technically, on paper, I have Stage II NHL. But the true definition of Stage II is that the cancer is in two or more lymph nodes. The Stage 1E comes into play because the cancer is in two or more locations, but those locations are known as Extra-nodes (think external nodes).

As far as the treatment plan…we are going to discuss all of that in detail on Thursday. Because of the location of the additional cancer cells, they are not sure if I will be able to get radiation. Reason one is the area may be too big and reason two being the location and possible long term health effects such as dry mouth (there were a couple others, but I forget – a lot of info to take in). No radiation would just mean a longer chemo therapy. This question of whether or not to do the radiation will not affect the start of chemo, as radiation comes after the chemo is done. So I may start chemo on Friday, and if not Friday, I will definitely start next week.

Thursday will prove to be a day filled with information overload.  I am glad I will have Doug there as a second set of ears!!!  The woman I spoke to last night said that she was surprised that I said about starting chemo on Friday, she thought I would like more time to process everything.  Truthfully, I don't know how much more I can talk about and process this - I just want to get started!!!  I am a doer not a talker!!! 

Btw...I want to thank my Aunt & Uncle for one of the most awesome Christmas gifts.  I received a pretty, wrapped package that said To: Renee From: Your Gaurdian Angels.  And inside was an awesome "Live Strong" t-shirt and a "Live Strong" fleece jacket!!  It meant so much to me!!!  I cried tears of joy, as those words mean so much to me and the people it came from mean so much!!!!  I will wear them with pride...and maybe shine my bald head up on those days...LOL!!!!

*On a side note...thank you all so very much for all of the nice comments you have been leaving.  Please know that I am not ignoring you.  I just haven't figured out how to respond to the comments yet from Blogger.

That six letter word...

On December 15th at 3pm I received a call from my surgeon who performed my right thyroid-ectomy on December 10th.  This call changed my life forever.  He told me that while the nodule was ok, the right thyroid showed differently.  Then he mentioned that dirty six letter word that no one ever wants to hear...CANCER!!!!!! 

I have Non-Hodgkin's B-Cell Lymphoma, Large Cell type.  What the hell does that mean, you ask!!!  Well, I'm not quite sure.  I meet with the hematologist/oncologist tomorrow (12/24).  I have a lot of questions and hope to get a lot of answers.  I will learn my plan of attack.  On 12/31/09 I go for my PET scan.  This (from what I understand) will help determine what stage of cancer I have.

I have decided to use my blog to help my friends & family stay informed with my journey through all of this.  Sorry "hipsters", I don't think I will be having my left PAO for quite some time...much bigger fish to fry now.  Some of my friends had mentioned carepages.com and caringbridge.org.  I looked into them, but figured that since I have a blog already set up, I would use it.  And people can "subscribe" to this blog so that they can get a notification when I post something. 

I want to thank everyone that has been so supportive already.  I am so blessed to have the people in my life that I do!!!  I am strong and have fought through so much crap in my 28 years that cancer does not have a chance with me!!!  I will beat this...failure is not an option!!!! 

So if you would like to follow this journey...thank you!!  And in the words of Lance Armstrong "LIVE STRONG"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!